Chapter Thirty Three: Selfish.
I heard word back from the University I applied for yesterday. But I’m blogging about it today. I know that a lot of people think that it’s selfish of me to have this wonderful opportunity and not want it, especially when I know people who would kill to be in my position. But I really don’t want this place; I have never wanted a place at University, never. When I received that email and even weeks before that, I was hoping that it would be a rejection; I wanted it to be a rejection. Sure that makes me feel like a selfish cow and I know that there are people who probably hate that I got something that they want and I don’t. If I could give them my place I would in a heartbeat. I gave into pressure and went for something that I never wanted, even as a backup plan. I’m sick of studying, I’m sick of having no money and I’m at that point where I could do a thousand things on paper but putting them into practise is a whole other thing. I’m under confident and shy, I don’t mix well with others and I like to be challenged. The idea of spending another three years in a classroom. I hate it. I can’t stand the idea. I wish I’d been stronger and just not bothered.